I certainly never realized how much I was struggling just so I could hold onto him, how much I was compromising my mental health for him, and that if I had any sense, I would have said enough’s enough. If I had set that boundary, I would have learned much sooner what I learned when we were face to face: this man doesn’t trust me enough for him to be able to provide a safe and loving experience with him and there is no amount of patience, perseverance, and self-harm on my part that can change that. It’s him, it’s his belief about me, and it’s unfounded – and if I have any chance of healing over my past, over my childhood, and over the abuses I endured in past relationships, I can’t spend one more second begging a man to believe in me or stay with me or love me.