He Didn’t Trust Me Because I Wasn’t Trustworthy (and Other Tales of Self-Blame)
I certainly never realized how much I was struggling just so I could hold onto him, how much I was compromising my mental health for him, and that if I had any sense, I would have said enough’s enough. If I had set that boundary, I would have learned much sooner what I learned when we were face to face: this man doesn’t trust me enough for him to be able to provide a safe and loving experience with him and there is no amount of patience, perseverance, and self-harm on my part that can change that. It’s him, it’s his belief about me, and it’s unfounded – and if I have any chance of healing over my past, over my childhood, and over the abuses I endured in past relationships, I can’t spend one more second begging a man to believe in me or stay with me or love me.
Community Support, Panic Attacks, and A Visit to the Mercury Cafe for Drunken “History of the West”
...it’s Friday night and I’ve spent the day fighting a panic attack. I left work early, laid down on the floor of my bedroom and cried. In a private local women’s group on Facebook, I posted to express my current anxiety and my unease with how to deal. I’m 35. I can’t bang my head into a wall so hard I see stars; though it would certainly shake me out of the madness, it wouldn’t help halt my mounting list of concussions. What can I do during a panic attack that doesn’t require harming myself? As I submitted the post for approval, I heard back from Embur with her address to come see her.
What Can We Learn from Ulmer? The Bomb Cyclone of 2019
A week ago, all of Colorado was hit with a Category-2 cyclone named Ulmer only later in the evening after several tragic events already occurred. For those of you unfamiliar with weather terms, a cyclone is a hurricane that forms in the Pacific Ocean rather than the Atlantic. They were calling it a "bomb cyclone" here - a reference that a lot of folks considered to be a dramatic description for what seemed to be a normal snow storm for the Denver area. In fact, the term was generated from the technical term "bombogenesis": a weather condition known to cause significant damage due to extreme and quick barometric pressure drops. Ulmer was no joke. Unfortunately, too many people thought this storm wasn’t even worth knowing about it or considering.
The Spotlight’s On Me (Another Goldfish Production)
I returned to the Goldfish Garage last Saturday night for the bi-weekly Garage Show by Goldfish Entertainment. Intimacy distinguishes this and any underground world - if you wanted a macro focus on the Denver comedy circuit, this is where you would venture. I'm standing next to Lauren Dafault while she looks over and edits her notes before her set. I'm a few feet away from comedians Kona Morris and Stylo Marx, each of whom selectively laughs at jokes that leverage their professional approval.
Denver Underground: Drunken History New Orleans at the Diebolt Brewery
On Thursday evening, I visited the Sunnyside neighborhood of Denver for the Goldfish Entertainment production, Drunk Historians Mardi Gras: History of New Orleans! Two blocks down Mariposa Street, past a laundry mat and some warehouse space, Diebolt Brewing Company is a locally-owned small business that hosts events such as comedy and variety shows, beer unveilings, drunken science lessons, wedding receptions, and hipster adult-thrown children’s parties. (Doesn’t everyone want a certain level of intoxication to bare ten to thirty children screaming and running around; or, is it just me
The Winter Jamboree: You Can and Should Meet Your Idols
The weekend before last, I just about missed my opportunity to experience the Jam Hoops Winter Jamboree due to a nasty cold that stuck around for a full two weeks. I wanted to be devastated and stomp around about how much I looked forward to the weekend. The Jamboree events are twice-yearly flow arts workshop events that span Friday-Saturday-Sunday and entail jamming, partying, learning, teaching, growing, and connecting with the flow arts’ world. Mainly focused on hoops, the Jamboree events are almost single-handedly created...